Tomorrow is Jeremy's birthday.
Jeremy went on a skiing trip with his college group, Baptist Student Ministries. He was twenty years old. As he slammed out the door with his friend, Zach, I turned to Judy and despaired, "I didn't even tell him bye!" Before he was down the road any ways, he'd returned, to give his mom a proper hug and good bye. Later, I'd wonder if God had granted me that final memory.
We were out of pocket, no cell phone, but when we got the news...we called the hospital to hear the Doctor explain, Jeremy hit his head on a tree, while skiing, and we should come to Denver. He'd had a seizure on the mountain, been care flighted, and was in a medically induced coma...no real prognosis, tests being run to see the extent of injury and whether surgery would be needed, as with most head injuries, time would tell.
Everyone was gathered at our home. Praying, packing, making arrangements, with no assurance Jeremy would be alive, when we arrived, thus our long journey began. I vividly recall my pray of thanksgiving, in the midst of the unknown. Thank you God that you are not a God of fate, tossing us about, but a God that knows. A reassuring truth from God, when the world could offer none, keeping panic at bay during a stormy, over hour long trip to the airport.
During the plane ride, I continued to experience God's presence so strongly, flashing memories like old movies, of Jeremy's life...when he sat in the pastor's study and asked Jesus to be his Savior and explaining, to the preacher, that it meant King of his life... Then, I pictured strong hands cupped open, as if holding something fragile and precious, these words falling sweetly on my heart. "Lezlee, I know Jeremy is your son and you love him, but as much as you love him...I love him more! And no matter what happens to him...live or die, I have him right here in the palms of my hands." I wanted to jump from the seat and praise the Lord, but instead I turned and shared with William what had happened. Then, I thanked God and begged God, all in the same breath, for loving my boy and assuring me no matter what, he was in His hands, while pleading... please God don't be preparing me for his death, but thank you God for getting us through anything...
That was the longest walk, to the emergency desk. Asking if, where our son was...
He stayed in the hospital a week, and had to take the semester off school, but has no lingering problems...other than an occasional ache in his shoulder...God loves us, regardless of what the earthly outcome might be, He is still God, no matter what!
I scribbled a journal, during my vigil, by Jeremy's bedside, that week. This was the last entry.
Blessed be the Lord,
for He has heard the sounds of my pleadings.
The Lord is my strength and my shield,
in Him my heart trusts,
so I am helped,
and my heart exalts,
and with my song I give thanks to Him!
Psalms 28: 6-7
I was concerned about writing this post, knowing some of life's stories have endings I don't understand...endings that try to shatter our faith, but just as God showed me on that plane, He still loves us today, with an unimaginable love and desires to hold us in the palms of His hands...
In His Hands,